Friends

In the past couple of months, I've discovered the value of friends. I've seen what friends do for each other, seen what best friends for life means, also seen how needed friends are.. It's surprising but this is a new world to me. This level of friendship, this level of relationship is rather foreign. The kind of friends that can 为朋友两肋插刀。 Maybe I want to be part of it.

I have decided on that the only difference btw friendship and relationship is that friends are not exclusive. Friends are a no committment, come and go kind of thing. You don't have to choose 1 friend over another. You can have everyone as a friend as long as you have enough space to contain them. Can you feel as deeply for friends as for lovers? According to this logic, yes.

I am a copier. I mimic what others do. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to u. If you like me, I might copy that too.

January resolution was to keep my friends and make new ones. Worked out pretty well.

February resolution shall be to spend more time every day using my brain.

Costa Rica

Highlights

1. Animals, animals, animals. Tree frog, toucans, funnel spider, tarantula, sloths, leaf cutter ants, snakes, mamut, coatis, quetzal, owl, hummingbirds, iguanas, howler monkeys, capuchin monkins, squirrel monkeys, racoons, agouti, crabs, fish, alligator, farm animals, humans. yay
2. Whitewater rafting in the most front seat without falling out of the raft and without shivering from cold
3. Sweet fresh pineapples, and bananas, watermelons, papayas
4. Fresh-squeezed orange juice
5. View of the volcano in the tent at the 1968 Arenal lava trailhead
6. hitchhiking
7. Casados! and gallo pinto + huevos for breakfast
8. Guanabana juice
9. Agua dulce
10. Pizza and salad at Rancho Margot
11. The whole Rancho Margot concept, that one can be self-sufficient by growing trees, veggies, keeping animals, composting, generating electricity from streams, and still have all the luxuries a decent hotel/ resort have
12. Heiner from the lovely Monteverde Villa Lodge who didn't speak as much English as we would like but tries so hard and was so friendly
13. Vehicles that have no problems going over unpaved roads
14. The fun family on the night tour with us and the huge family on the canopy tour with us. I like how the stranger barrier breaks down after being on a tour together
15. Ziplining. The zipline was already long and fun and then there was the rappel aka fireman pole/ rope (super scary) and Tarzan swing (super fun) and Superman (cool experience)
16. Swings for chairs at Taco Bar in Jaco
17. Beautiful sunsets over the Pacific
18. Surfing.. or an attempt to
19. Pacific ocean
20. Setting off fireworks. Yippee! More fun if they were the kind that explodes in the air
21. Sleeping in every bus/ van ride
22. Friendly Ticos
23. Black dog that first followed us then guided us into town
24. A country that's so rich in life, in plants, animals, people
25. Escape from real life =)

Forgettable moments

1. Too much time in hotels watching old movies/ CSI/ 30 Rock
2. Spending too much on tour guides.. especially the volcano hike on a rainy day and the Manuel Antonio guide
3. Insect bites
4. Some random motel that we stayed in cos it's cheap in Fortuna that had ants on the wall and air con that's too cold and rooster at 4 in the morning
5. Mud, spending so much energy trying to avoid sinking
6. Long long bus rides, especially the one from Quepos to San Jose
7. Sleeping over in a cold airport

2011

It's not often that I feel lonely. Much less feeling lonely in a group. New year's eve dinner was fantastic, posh French dining with friends that I miss. What am I missing? It's the feeling, feeling of someone being there.. but feelings get people into messes.

Reminder to self: none of the recent goings-on involves me. Stay as far away from mess as possible. If anything, I need to stay objective. No one really needs me, even if I know everything. I have no solution for anyone.

In the new year, I will manage time more wisely so I can accomplish more and still have time for myself. Happy 2011. Cheers.

Wishlist

1. kite
2. a potted flower plant
3. keyboard scores, film scores will be nice, or anything that sounds impressive
4. board game, since i'm addicted now
5. ukelele haha
6. experiments that work
7. to play in an ensemble/ band

I like good surprises too =)

So long and thanks for the fish

It comes in waves. There are days when I think of him way too much, and others when I can't imagine we were ever together. I guess this is it. Thanks for the fish. If only I'm a dolphin.

Addicted to board games lately. Agricola and Puerto Rico. It's fun to use brain to do something else other than thinking up good experiments. Planning strategies that last for a few turns is much less stressful than planning expts.. With board games and dance and meeting people for lunch/ dinner, who has time for reminiscing? What is there to reminisce? go away..

Gave my first lab meeting. I guess things can only go up from now. Every lab meeting will be better than the last. I will know more about my topic, have more data and answer more questions adequately. It's a strange relationship I have with my PI. I tell her about my failed expts hoping that she'll have suggestions to right them. She tells me about her failed expts hoping, well, I don't think i'm too helpful. I also need to be able to argue my point without getting emotional. And I'm on my way to losing my crappy US accent

entertainment

spending a lot on shows lately.. nothing has been a waste of money yet

John Mayer concert at Shoreline
1st outdoor concert I've been to. It's quite cool, can see stars, and it's not too cold. It's not too packed and can smell people smoking pot. Owl City, sorry, sounded like karaoke. Maybe he didn't always sing into the mic, that's why. The keyboard/ backup singer has a really sweet voice and he has a violin and cello too. Cool. Fireflies song got firefly lights glowing in the background. Wish he sang Vanilla Twilight though.
John Mayer. I liked this better than the trio concert. Mainly because I know a lot more of the songs he sang this time. They were more mainstream songs, like No Such Thing, Gravity, Heartbreak Warfare, Waiting for the world to change.. The giant screen behind him helped a lot, since we were about a few hundred metres away from the stage. He's a damn good guitarist, there's no denying.. And he can sing. I want a ukelele.

Beauty and the Beast, the Disney musical
It follows the cartoon so closely I'm amazed. The sets, the conversations, it's the exact words from the show. I'm really impressed with the sets and costumes and choreo. Turning sets around to make a new set is brilliant. Mrs Potts' arms can't move much, haha, Lumiere's lights can go on and off, and Cogsworth got pendulum hanging down his belly. The beast is quite shuai. Lefou is really cute. They added a mug clanging dance in Gaston which I really really liked. Be Our Guest was really grand too, can almost match the cartoon. Of the new songs, I liked "If I can't love her" the best. Maybe it's the lyrics, maybe it's the catchy progression, she'll never love me if i can't love her. I didn't like the acoustics that much, the brasses are really loud and the singing was covered sometimes.. but maybe i got used to it after a while and it stopped bothering me =) Such a sweet story.

Sweet stories, happy endings.. too many of them. May reality be as sweet as that
2yrs.. i can't do that. plan of action: inaction.

I never thought i'll say this, but i really miss playing in a group. Considering that I never liked playing bass much, I miss playing it with others. Anyone want a bassist?

"Since when do we dislike ourselves so much that we shudder at photos of ourselves because it looks too much like us? We have to turn our face sideways to take pictures so they don't look so much like us."

songs

There are as many songs about falling out of love as those about falling in love.. Here are a couple to add to the collection, 1st one's dug out from a yr ago, 2nd one's fresh. I hope these are the last of this kind i'm writing.

To listen, click the links below
Locked out
Let it go

Locked out
Sitting right next to you in the car
driving to the shores to look at the stars
I made a joke, you said uh-huh
your mind was somewhere far

On Saturday, I gave you a call
wanted to go with you to the mall
had a good lunch but you were grouchy
Why aren't you happy

What makes you laugh
What makes you cry
How can I read your mind
What can I do
to please you
how can I ever know
I am locked out
I am locked out locked out
locked out of your heart

Let it go

曾经在屋顶唱歌
曾经在雨中散布
曾经在海边看日落
曾经在你怀里看烟火

* 但火花从没擦起
甜美时光总不完美
也许我不是你的唯一
也许我们彼此不够疼爱

Let it go
Let it go
我们只是普通朋友
这条路 太多障碍物
这不是属于我们的路
Let it go
I’ll let you go
当朋友会比情人快乐
梦醒了 你走了
雨停了 天晴了

喜欢陪你弹吉他
喜欢和你一起去K歌
喜欢约你上MSN
喜欢见到你的美一天
*

眼泪已经干了
祝你找到快乐

两滴眼泪

It was the perfect day yesterday. I jammed (it was decent jamming, i was surprised at how good it was), I danced (horrible dancing but whatever) and I drank lemon tea the whole day. Lovely. The only prob was that I couldn't sleep. It's been a while since I was so jittery that I can't sleep, maybe there was a night or 2 in this year, maybe not. Last time when i had a jittery period was a year back. Was it the tea? Or was it spidey?

Making music has always made me happy, though my ability to make music has diminished throughout the year. I need to get it back.

Quote of the day: You need to like yourself

Why am I so bothered?

I'm ready to go back to lab.

Things I've forgotten about singapore

1. It's so green! It's a different shade of green, very new, very fresh. Don't get much of it in SF
2. The green man to cross road is green! not white
3. We use so many plastic bags, especially compared to SF where plastic bags are banned from grocery stores
4. No one says hi to u at the checkout counter
5. It's so hot
6. People wear very nice clothes, go out here cannot anyhow dress like going to haight
7. No one is obese
8. Can't use credit for everything, in fact can't use credit for most things. I've only used it once so far
9. People get super high on world cup. Can hear people shouting through my window every time the ball gets close to the goal

The list will go on.. as i discover more

Academic salaries and satisfaction

Read the Nature article here
Asians earn peanuts.. about half of what Americans earn at full professor level. And there are fewer full profs in Asia too. Industrial positions also pays about twice as well as academic positions.
If money's what you're after, be a guy, be in US and go into industry.

Alcohol under the Microscope

That's Pina Colada, dried out, and viewed under microscope. Very peacock-ish.

More pictures here. I can almost see some sort of character associated with different alcohols. Tequila is angular. Champagne looks softer and classier. Sake is warm and bold.

Mission in the Mix

Never thought i'll say this, but I'm learning quite a bit from America's Next Top Model. How to make yourself look tall, how to shoot daggers with your eyes, what to do with your mouth etc. Comes in handy during dance

Talking about dance, Soul Force is amazing. They can use their bodies and faces.. in so many styles. And none of them esoteric. I've watched them 3 times and want to watch them more.

Mission in the mix has been a good experience. To go through it with people as clueless as I am is great. It was great to learn a dance that well and show it and not just do it. The teacher's fantastic and her assistants are so much fun. Now i'm gushing positive words.

Can't wait to go home

cell bio problem set question- sums up my last 2 weeks and next 2 weeks

Two pathways exist in a Tetrad 1st year winter quarter cell. The first one starts with a Cell Biology input that leads to the activation of Super Cool Biology (SCB). This recruits cell bio prof (DM) and the Cell Bio Crew (CBC). DM and CBC catalyze the formation of Memorable Quotes (MQ) which goes to the nucleus to turn on the transcription of Happy TAs (HTAs). HTAs promote Yummy Baked Goods (YBG) and Relatively Nice Grading (RNG) production, which all eventually lead to the outputs of Fun Times in Cell Biology and a awesome Cell Bio Proposal (CBP). The other pathway starts with a Bioreg input that also leads to the activation of SCB. However, this recruits bioreg prof (JL) and the Bioreg Crew (BRC). JL and BRC promote Central Dogma Overload (CDO), which leads to activation of Massive Memorization (MM). MM phosphorylates Freaking Out Over Proposal Ideas (FOOPI), which causes a conformational change that allows it to enter the nucleus and promote the transcription of CBP and Bioreg Specific Proposal (BSP). BSP goes on to activate Dread of Unknown Duo of Examiners (DUDE) and then Stressful Orals (SO). SO is a protein kinase that phosphorylates PASS or FAIL depending on inputs from other players that are not yet understood. Once phosphorylated, PASS catalyzes Sh!t-load of Drinking and Celebration (SLDC), while phosphorylated FAIL feeds back to Bioreg.

As mentioned above, the PASS or FAIL outcome is determined by unknown regulators. In vitro, SO phosphorylates both PASS and FAIL at equal rates. However, in vivo, SO activity is strongly biased towards PASS. A screen recently revealed a factor, Extreme Work (EW), the overexpression of which results in 100% PASS phosphorylation and 0% FAIL phosphorylation. Describe one possible mechanism for how EW could be providing PASS specificity to SO and how you would experimentally test this hypothesis.

-koping this from the problem set (Anna) without permission

Top 10 perks of being an academic scientist

It's a Wonderful Life: A Career as an Academic Scientist
Mol Biol Cell. 2010 Jan;21(1):11-4.

1. Freedom to Choose Your Directions
2. Reinvent oneself through one's career
3. Participating in the great era of discovery
4. Being part of an international community joined by common interests
5. Pleasant travels
6. A social and youthful job
7. Many measures of success
8. Flexible daily schedule
9. Doing some good
10. Scholarship

I like 3, 4, 5, 9 and 10.
What do you think are the perks of your job?

Recent wisdoms

I love talking to smart people. Or having wise people talk to us. Here are some random pieces that I don't want to forget.

From Sandy:
How much proof do you need before you believe something is real? You can always disprove something with an example of a case that doesn't fit the theory. But how much evidence would you need before a theory becomes a fact? Evolution by natural selection is a theory but we all believe in it. If it's just a belief, what makes it different from intelligent design? We believe in our evidence, they believe in theirs.. How's one more right than another?

From Ron:
Ron was just inspiring. He's right. I got to do something other than science. Help the community, help lab, make friends, spend time with friends and family. It's not about karma, it's about being human. Whatever happened to my humanities training?
My New year's resolution: be generous with my time and not hog it all for myself.

On a separate note, check this out. if you want to learn some biology, the lectures here are pretty good. Not too long, not too difficult.
www.ibioseminars.org

From me:
Watched this Jap postdoc come ask another Jap postdoc questions. Think they bowed to each other 5 times before started talking.. What would they think of american culture? where you call your PI by his first name, joke, curse, swear with ur superiors..

Back to life

I love holidays. Don't have to worry about work, school, deadlines.. But holidays have to end. And it's back to life. Let me bask in my last hours of holidays..

The older i get, the more emotional i get. Thought people get hardened by life. I never used to cry in movies.. but now i'm getting teary at albatross stories. Not to mention the tears shed for stolen clothes. Perhaps i'm just not used to having attention when bad things happen.. and crying is not an expression of sadness but an expression of thanks for all the concern? weirdo

Highlights of the holidays

1. hiding out in cafes in cold drizzly weather (if anything, i'm not against Starbucks any more
2. Pike's clam chowder
3. Avatar
4. train ride to Vancouver
5. bus ride in the rainy night back to Seattle (feeling warm and protected in the bus, playing Spikey and talking abt life)
6. Koi palace dim sum
7. quaint downtowns (Napa, SB)
8. Monterey Bay Aquarium (the bkgd music + the sea creatures never fail to attract me)
9. beautiful coastline, fierce waves, foamy seas (Monterey, 17-mile dr, Big Sur, I would go there any time)
10. different photo ideas from different people at the same spots
11. John Mayer trio (extremely talented 3 people, 5 rows away from me)
12. warm comfy beds
13. Guitar Hero
14. CS's sour apple pie
15. nice guitar
16. Balboa Park on a sunny Sat afternoon watching planes land and people take wedding photos
17. being around friends, all the time

Forgettable moments

1. discovering that the car's missing
2. hotel room getting broken into and luggage rummaged through
3. Hearst castle
4. LA jams

Wish list

I'm going to draw up a wish list, just in case u want to give me a present for any reason. Will try to update this as I get myself the things on the list. In no particular order..

1. something to make my room colourful
2. how about a flower? a live growing flower.. inspired by Ro's orchid.. must be able to fit on my window sill though
3. a good keyboard.. I'm eyeing Yamaha DGX530. I'll gladly accept any model above that too
4. IPod touch.. I don't really need one, my mp3 player works fine, it's just all these people fiddling with their iphones and ipods around me..
5. want to get me a car? I have a garage space all ready for it
6. or a bike so i can bike through GG park to ocean beach
7. something more realistic.. a comfy swivel chair with wheels that actually work
8. a container for hot drinks.. need to keep my drinks hot

Haha. Not like anybody who reads this will give me a gift.. u're probably not even in my neighbourhood.

i feel like i've left a life behind, a really good life, and building up a new one from scratch.. it's not fun.
sunlight somehow gives me hope, and strength.. maybe i'm just being emo, but i become sad when the sun's gone.. doesn't help that my body thinks i'm taking a nap at midnight and wakes me up every 2-3h.

why am i doing this? would i have enough motivation to push me through? who knows..

too many things to do.. things that i don't know how to do.
i'll hold on to every little glimmer of hope.

Journey

our MV.. my 2secs of airtime.. the song's awesome

Music appreciation

I like songs for 3 reasons

1. The melody/ chord progression attracts me
2. It has an interesting arrangement
3. It's technically interesting

and maybe a fourth, the lyrics are cool.. but it's rare that i pick up the lyrics at all

Most songs fall into cat 1, Jay Chou songs are usually in cat 2, and cat 3 is reserved for songs that i really look into, meaning they have to belong to cat 1 or 2 already. Sometimes when songs drop into cat 3, they become purely technical and i stop paying attention to the musical aspects any more.. and that's sad.

逃亡 is now in cat 3. 11/8
我要的幸福 as well. 5/4 + 6/4
The Moment. Maybe one day i'll get it.