i feel like i've left a life behind, a really good life, and building up a new one from scratch.. it's not fun.
sunlight somehow gives me hope, and strength.. maybe i'm just being emo, but i become sad when the sun's gone.. doesn't help that my body thinks i'm taking a nap at midnight and wakes me up every 2-3h.

why am i doing this? would i have enough motivation to push me through? who knows..

too many things to do.. things that i don't know how to do.
i'll hold on to every little glimmer of hope.

Journey

our MV.. my 2secs of airtime.. the song's awesome

Music appreciation

I like songs for 3 reasons

1. The melody/ chord progression attracts me
2. It has an interesting arrangement
3. It's technically interesting

and maybe a fourth, the lyrics are cool.. but it's rare that i pick up the lyrics at all

Most songs fall into cat 1, Jay Chou songs are usually in cat 2, and cat 3 is reserved for songs that i really look into, meaning they have to belong to cat 1 or 2 already. Sometimes when songs drop into cat 3, they become purely technical and i stop paying attention to the musical aspects any more.. and that's sad.

逃亡 is now in cat 3. 11/8
我要的幸福 as well. 5/4 + 6/4
The Moment. Maybe one day i'll get it.

Questions.. from a professor

I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Quote of the day:

We do have hearts. =)

maybe not

when i read werther, i didn't understand how anyone could be so emotional.. it's over a girl that he obviously can't get. and it's love at first sight. i thought he was stupid. and the whole ending was just beyond me.

the other day i was shopping and overheard this conversation. this girl said to this guy, i'm willing to bet that i've put in more for u than u've put in for anyone..
wow, now that's a strong statement.

must there be ladders? i'm greedy, if i fall off one ladder, can i hop over to the next?

Privacy

I like my privacy. I don't like when living things get into my private space. That's probably why I don't have particular liking for pets. I'm a fish person cos fish live in their own space and not in mine. But went snorkeling and swam with fishes and decided that maybe I don't like fish so much. Cos they have no respect for my space. Things are ok though.

Saw this guy yesterday that looked really familiar, familiar but not as cute as I remembered him to be. Wondered who he was. I want his job, except that I think he doesn't get paid. And I don't qualify any more. Seek opportunities while you can, otherwise you won't qualify any more.

就放肆愛放肆追 放肆去闖
放肆是我的信仰
再不去闖 夢想永遠只會 是一個夢想
~ 五月天 - 放肆

闖!!

一滴眼泪

Apr 15
Applied: 9
Accepted: 4
Rejected: 3
Gave up: 2

It's the day where u know for sure u didn't get in. Where an impt decision that affects ur career is made. When u have a clearer inkling of what life's like for the next 5++ years.

I hate how everything's so transient in our life. It's 3 years somewhere, a year somewhere else, another 5 years somewhere different, and back. The only good thing is prob that if you get tired of a place, u can see an end to it.

Peiling claims that there's sadness in my laughs. Is that possible? I'm an inherently sad person?

Instincts were right. The female spidey sense picked it up. Either I didn't want to listen to spidey or I was genuinely confused. Irritatingly confusing. A phrase that's catchy enough to make a song.
2 days to get over it.
Not fighting it.
Then life goes on and i can continue being idiotic/ moronic.

xh thinks i'm "happy, cool and weird"
same to u xh, especially the weird part

I nv knew that andrea's a quarter indian.. cool

leukocyte

Had some really good conversations this week with friends. Maybe i'm not so hopeless at 2 people convos after all.

feelings or logic? present or future? yes or no?

Being as escapist as I am, I'd rather live in a good dream than wake up and face the reality. Even though the reality could be as good or even better than the dream. I'm not too satisfied with how things are, but am I ready to shape it? Nietzsche wouldn't approve of my inactions, nor would Schopenhauer. This makes me realize that I've pretty much forgotten everything about them. I should stick categorical imperatives on my wallpaper or sth.

I can live with categorical imperatives. In fact, I want to. They're logical. Well, logic was everything to these philosophers. There are reasons these guys cite for coming to such conclusions. They're not the result of some myth where something did sth wrong and was condemned by higher beings forever. I pick philosophy any day.

I'll probably go UCSF. It's not Apr 15 yet but I'm pretty sure of it.

Earth hour tonight. Get off electricity for a while.

Musicophilia

Bought Musicophilia to read on long transcontinental flights.. It's rather entertaining, got me interested in musical perception again.

I've always wondered, how would you know that what you're seeing/ hearing is the same as everyone else? Is there an absolute colour? Is what I perceive as red the same colour as what you consider red? A baby doesn't know an apple is red until someone tells him that it's red. Could the apple be triggering blue light receptors instead in the baby's eyes? And if so, will the baby grow up seeing things completely different from others but not knowing so? Everything red will be blue to him, but he would call it red and believe it to be red because that's what he's been taught. Are we all seeing colours differently?

Protect ur ears. People hear all sorts of weird things when their ears are damaged/ when they go partially deaf..

Have been addicted to music lately.. addicted and affected. THere are songs that make me happy and songs that melt me.. And horrible tuneless hip hop songs. Wonder what causes these reactions. when can i write a melty song?

Hello from LA

Yay for free wi-fi. I'm trying not to fall asleep by being online.

I can't help considering cancelling my UK trip. Traveling is tired, and boring. And i wonder if I'm wasting my time and energy going there. Will see how.

Sat next to this Singaporean who's a tour guide in Japan on my way to Narita. Makes me want to be a tour guide again. Also want to visit Japan. Some day.

The trick is to write the song when I'm feeling it. It helps take the feeling away, and also I'll get a good song. So far I have loads of feelings and zero songs. Let's see if the alien song materializes before the end of the trip.

Ok. going for lunch.

science

It’s always at periods like this when I have to prepare for an interview or write a personal statement that I think of why it is that I’m doing science. Science shouldn’t be about gathering enough data to publish. Publishing should be a by-product of the bigger aim to do good and save the world. We put that in our presentations, papers, oh my work is going to cure cancer and save the world. How many of us really believe that what we’re doing is significant, in the grand view of things? I know that I’ve forgotten that my goal is more than getting a paper out.

Of course I’m just being idealistic. Science, like every other thing in this capitalist world, is about convincing people to give you money for something you have. And to get money, you have to rush for papers. The world’s going to end soon. Save it while we can.

So I've been using the word 'so' too much. It appeared in almost every sentence in my presentation. I've been in a very tensed state for the past, let's see, a week or so. No idea why. Just uptight, highstrung, ready to explode. Bunny was going to diagnose me with anorexia cos I'm not eating much, though it's not like she eats much more than I do. I was thinking that if this goes on, I'll probably die of hypertension before 3 weeks are over.. But it stopped, thankfully. I still have no idea what the cause of stress is. Whatever, I'm tired.

song that's stuck in my head.. among others:
"love love love love love, love love, makes the world go round"
it's from powerpuff. i should watch powerpuff again some time. kindergarten kids are cute.

deja vu

All the highs of the recent weeks/ months have been musical. Others have been talking of their scientific epiphanies, intellectual highs. Nope, none for me. The only resemblence might be my realization that my drug plate was screwed up in a simpler way, and hence my project isn't as hopeless as it seems.

Anyway, music. 2 concerts in Dec, our band with no name and Coda. Practices are many, took up 4 days out of 7 for the past 2 weeks. And I actually look forward to them after a day of unproductive work. How wonderful. The band with no name gave its inaugural concert this week. The music was good, we had 2 original songs, the audience was a lot of fun and we still badly need a name. I'm already waiting for the next show to happen. Coda, they've agreed to mic me. Yay. Now I just need to improvise something decent, to walk a rather crooked line. Working on it.

Concert

Watched my first concert since I came back. Andoh's 3rd time in Singapore, promoting Mindscape 4 and STAGEA. I want to be back in the circle. It's some amazing music that he's creating. Concerts like these are always tacky, attracting attention using flashy lights, lively drumbeats, even catchy tunes. But there's no doubt that his composition and playing are good. And I like his playing style better now than before. It looks much less EF-like and more professional.
Many many thanks to the Internet, I managed to find some tracks from his CDs, and they melt me. I'm a liquid now.

Digital zebrafish embryo

This is way too cool. It's like what people did with the worm, but with colours and cool graphics.

Was called "a parrot on the keyboard". Don't know to take it as a compliment or no. Come to think of it, parrots and pirates are very alike. Parrots copy others. Modern pirates copy other people's work. Pirate, parrot, parrot, pirate. I wonder if they have the same etymology...

"Being in a relationship is not about finding a match but working through the differences." That came from the least likely of people. It made me wonder why I didn't think of that before.

Human electricity

I've been thinking seriously about generating electricity using student
(and faculty) muscle power. Our kids spend hours in the exercise rooms pushing,
pulling, pedaling, lifting, running on a belt, etc. Why shouldn't all of these
machines generate electricity for the University? I bet it would be substantial.
They could start by powering the gym, and then see what's left over for other
purposes. It might also be useful to teach them the value of the electricity we
waste!

Along these lines, I've hired two UG students to make stationary bike
electric generators from old used broken bikes. They will be starting soon. It
can be done with a battery, or better still, without one, so people at home can
just connect their generator-bike to an appliance they want to use. Then there's
no pollution from batteries!

I think there's great promise: everyone will want to BENEFIT (besides making muscle) from all the exercise they do! And no one will mind being used to generate energy if they are building their muscle AND helping the world solve its second most important problem!!!
What do you think?

~ From a certain professor of mine