so far, don't think i've had the chance to put my brain engines to high power during exams.. there's either not enough time (like bio today) or too much time (like maths today), either not enough time to think, or too much time so can take my own time working through the questions. Do I want it to stay this way? I wouldn't mind, but it's probably harder to get As like that.

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so what? so what if he claimed that I was his best student, it's probably all changed now, and if it's not, it'll change in a yr's time. I'm not talented. so what if i get a fantastic recommendation? i can't promote myself properly cos i don't have the substance to promote. My playing suck so badly, I'll have to reject invitations to play in public. How to make recording? So what if I take up composing? no one will ever see or play my scores, just like no one heard me play. Is there any point in doing things when nobody knows you've done those things? Are those things really done?

I was reading the Chicago U book, it says that U Chic wants to provide a uni education that's not just one which we have to go through, but one that gives students firm foundations and allow them to go on to the next step. Building foundations, haven't we been doing that for the past 12 years? What are we building foundations for? What are we going to put above the foundations? When is it that we stop building foundations and start building the real structure, or are we building foundations and structures at the same time? What are we aiming for? Is there a final building that we are aiming towards?