Visited IMCB. I understand what Dave means when he said they have a real lab. It's crazily cluttered. I don't see any exposed bench space at all. They allocate funding according to the size of the labs so they cram as many pple as needed into the space. Even their workstations are so much more packed than ours. And fruitflies stink. E.coli smells much better.

AS outing yesterday. Went Thai Express and terrorised this really nice waitress. What was our problem? Anyway everything's so hilarious with xiaohui, christine, bao and beef around.. Guess none of us gets to go crazy in the week, so everyone goes nuts during AS outings.. Haha. So we went to Thai Express and queued for 1 minute before we started complaining that we queued for very long and the nice waitress, Wendy is her name by the way, isn't she so honoured to be the subject of my blog entry? Sorry, off track.. we queued for 1 min and complained and Wendy started apologising, yes yes, long queue today.

So we were waiting for a table and Wendy gave us the menu. After scrutinising the menu for a min or so, we Bao and xh started bugging Wendy with ridiculous questions like "Why u all have yellow curry with potatoes but not green curry with potatoes?" and of course "How much do you earn?"..

After we got a table, we decided that we were being too mean to Wendy and decided to write her a letter. It's a great letter by the way, with a elephant letter head and typewriter handwriting. Professional. Of course, it's a ridiculous letter..

To our dearest Wendy,
You are the light of Thai Express (this is the best line)
*actually, i'll censor off the rest, cos it's quite malu-ating, we were just trying to linked all the food that we ate with her, so u can imagine the effect*

We were decent enough to write a few decent lines thanking her. Then we folded it, paid, left it on the table and siaamed, however u spell it. This girl bussing our table saw the letter, gave a "this is so ridiculous" look and gave the letter to Wendy. I didn't see her face but heard that she rushed out to look for us, but we ran away. Haha

Went Pulau Ubin today with Sunny, a Dutch couple and a guide. Didn't manage to go to Chek Jawa as usual. Really should sign up one day with NPB to visit there. Haven't been to Changi Village and Ubin for more than a year. It has changed, a lot. There's now a beautiful jetty on changi Village and there are resorts on Ubin. There's a fence around most of the coastline to prevent illegal immigrants and elephants from swimming in. It's good to go with a guide in a small group. You get to learn about the different trees, birds, whatever.. Saw lots of crabs, they spotted an octopus which I nv saw, spotted mudskippers and crabs in this muddy stream of water. I wish I was in a fitter condition though, had to push my bike up most of the slopes cos I'm too tired to cycle up. Hee. Ow, my butt hurts.

About the Dutch couple. The lady is a cat-lover. She really loves cats. She's a protector of cats. She actually goes to AVA to complain about AVA's killing of cats, apparently they do it every time someone complains about cats in the neighbourhood. Talked about political freedom in Singapore, on how pple who works for the government never give answers but just repeat statements, which I find absolutely true. Read the papers, every time someone asks the government something, they reply by repeating what they have said many times before. Makes you wonder what they hire all those brilliant people in Singapore for. Same with Astar, I would say, their efficiency stinks, even though they are friendly people. I still haven't got a reply from the scholarship officer, don't think she plans to reply me.. Anyway, about political freedom, the guide was saying that young people nowadays express their disapproval of the govt through blogs, emails, blah, basically through means the govt can't control or monitor, hence govt has to encourage public feedback to them to let them know how we feel.

Sun power in a tube!

Check this out! Fusion!

Indignant

I am not repressing anything!! Where did they get that impression from? Nothing traumatic happened, that's why I have nothing to tell them.
Isn't Freud a fraud?

According to Freud, the defense mechanisms are the method by which the ego can solve the conflicts between the superego and the id. The use of the mechanisms required eros, and they are helpful if moderately used. The use of defense mechanisms, may attenuate the conflict between the id and superego, but their overuse or reuse rather than confrontation can lead to either anxiety or guilt which may result in psychological disorders such as depression.

Repression occurs when someone cannot remember a past traumatic experience, while suppression is a conscious effort to do the same. (never)
Intellectualisation involves removing one's self, emotionally, from a stressful event. Intellectualisation is often accomplished through rationalisation rather than accepting reality, one may explain it away to remove one's self. (maybe)
Sublimation is the channeling of impulses to socially accepted behaviours. (maybe)

In listening, the analyst attempts to maintain an attitude of empathic neutrality, a nonjudgmental stance designed to create a safe environment. (hey, that's what the psychologist did! PSC pple are Freud fans. Gosh)

Anyway, PSC is not going to offer me a scholarship and I'm glad they're not. Don't waste the scholarship on me.

Yesterday was the last day. Sad. Mr Tan was saying so would u like to play one last piece as a farewell piece. I was horrified. No no no, i don't want a farewell piece. I don't want to say byebye to the kids. OKok they're not kids, just people younger than me.. I'll miss them. Hope they'll miss me. Hope I've inspired some people to play more.
I'll miss..
XM and Pris and the aircon remote.. and their constant chattering and wowing over everybody.
Felicia and her phantom
Renee the princess's lightning learning speed
Shane's piano! So pro! (I can't do any theory when either Shane or Renee plays.. hee, shows how much I do every week)
Mr Tan playing with me
and the RI guys.. I don't even know got how many and Margaret's smile. hee.

1 week to reply. 2 weeks to theory exam. 3 weeks to the end of my job. 4 weeks to my supposed concert which is still looking for a venue. No plans beyond 4 weeks.

Suddenly there's so much problem over the offer. I insist that my dad be my surety. but I guess it's not up to me to insist..

I'm so absent-minded I forgot to send in the confirmation slip, haha, or maybe I just don't care any more.

Had driving on Mon night, then saw sixian and her dad eating dinner, so went to join them. So sociable right?
Had dinner with Christelle on Tues. She really loves her job, really really adores it.
Stayed over at Sunny's house on Wed. I like the house, very spacious, great view, and her mom makes great food. So everybody please turn up for the class gathering.
Had dinner with qq on Thurs, hmm, I was glad I went.
Met Xu Xu on the way to NUS yesterday, lucky girl, got FA from Northwestern. So happy for her.
Today, end of 2 weeks of Home Alone. Actually I quite enjoyed it. hee.

Did I talk about my driving instructors? Guess I didn't. I had 2 very crappy instructors. One of them speaks Mandarin, English, Cantonese, Hokkien, Teochew and a bit of Japanese and a bit of Hainan something. So he speaks to me in Canton, haha, he's so crappy and I have such a good time having lessons that I don't think I learn much. Haha. The other crappy instructor knows me as the scholarship girl, cos the first time I met him, I was 20 min late cos the PUB scholarship selection ended late. Anyway because there's no radio in the cars, he sings. Yes, he sings to me. I don't think I learn much from him either. Haha, but it's ok, cos the other instructors will always reinforce whatever these people taught.

About work, I broke a pH probe. I was being lazy and left the pH probe in a Falcon tube that didn't have a skirt (ie, a pointed end) stand on its own while the pH meter calibrate itself. Well, obviously the tube can't stand, so the whole thing crashed to the ground. pH probe broke to pieces (I'm sure there's a better word for "broke into pieces", splattered? splittered? splintered? help). Anyway glass was everywhere, the pink or was it green? pH7 buffer was everywhere. And of course I was freaked, the way anyone would be if you're in the chem lab and u dropped a conical flask. Dave was so pro, he just said, "ok, nvm, let's just use the one in the other fermentor, this one doesn't look accurate anyway". So thankful for him not making a big fuss. Anyway sadly, the broth was contaminated again. $1000 worth of RNAprotect, hope it has not gone to waste yet. I left at hour 6 yesterday, which meant that he had another 6h to go. Don't think he went home before 3am. sad..

Poly girl coming next week, share table, share comp, share bench with me, I can't AS any more. Think she'll be busier than me though cos Cailian is a much more organised person and will plan her work to make her busy.

Must start studying. Theory exam in 2 weeks, at, guess where, RI, the sch.

When is it that they'll finally understand that I don't want them to follow me? Come on, I'm going to university. Whose parents follow their kids to uni?

I am no longer the star student. I'm a dumpster student. Think Mr Tan was quite disgusted with the way i play, all the wrong notes, wrong chords, wrong pedals, wrong expression, can't turn page.. bleah. I suck. I was struggling to sight-read a Grade7 piece. Better prac more before my friends hear me in this terrible state..

Updates on my concert:
Clementi auditorium cost $80+/h + $100+ for an instrument, which means no piano. Total will be near $300. Don't think I can earn that back.. So even though it's a brilliant idea, too bad..
Options left: Kope a studio from my teacher/ Rent a studio in Marine Parade/ my house..
And I still need a name and theme and players.

Songs that have been playing in my head:

1. Pirates of the Carribean (not surprising)
2. Bam Bam or whatever the title is, some computer game song
3. Tie a Yellow Ribbon around the Old Oak Tree or sth like that
4. I've (or is it U've?) never been to me
5. Aratokitosaurus (not sure of the spelling.. think it's a made up word anyway)

The pink top is so pretty! Thanks a lot wenwei!

I thought I was the only weirdo who wish sunday aftrnoons never end, xm wish so too and think she also wishes that the TP girl never comes. Haha. Guess I'm not the only evil one. Anyway xm's in sec sch now and she thinks that JC will be a lot less stressful than sec sch. She said everyone says so. Really?

Sec sch band SYF. Wonder how they give out honours. RI, AC, AHS got honours if I'm not wrong. OK RI sounds good, Mr Oura is superb, but AHS? Were they even a gold band? What happened to TKGS and RV and Yuhua? Big shuffle this year, maybe the fashion's changing, judges want a different type of music.

Finally uploaded photos. Link to photos is on the sidebar. And I've decided to finally register for Image Shack, more photo blogging from now on..

Thought I saw Lisa, the trombone girl, yesterday at Biopolis. Didn't talk to her, don't think she knows me at all. Then saw Gabriel, the trombone guy fr DHS, in NUS. Wow he remembered my name. How amazing. Then I saw Mr Chia, the ex-RJ band teacher, today at lunch. He's working in MOE. Don't know if he knows me at all but I smiled at him and he said hi, and I talked a while with him. Hmm, how sociable of me. Anyway I was happy today cos the bands on my gel looked so beautiful (er electrophoresis gel) and I'm going to have a busy week ahead. Wonderful =) I hate the slacking days and I want to go work in NUS again.

I'm as confused as ever, maybe more so, now that I've talked to more people. Having an answer just left me with more routes than ever. The final decision lies with me, I know that, but it's really difficult, 14 years, that's almost as long as from when I remember anything at all. I need help.

On the way home yesterday met Philip Yeo in the lift. He looked tired. I didn't disturb him. Hee, maybe there was another round of interviews.

Writing a experiment report now. Feels like PW, where you have to act chim and choose every word properly. How irritating. Why can't we do it the JC way? Just write the aim, the procedures in 1, 2, 3.., dump the whole table of results in, write a one-liner conclusion. Add a few precautions/ improvements to set up in points form. Easy to read and easy to write.
Only good thing about my current report is that anybody who reads it can probably know what was happening and the results. There's so much introduction that you don't need to really know much about this field to understand the report. Sad thing is it's so hard to write.

I think I need a name and a theme for my concert. Can't keep calling it my concert, can I?

Eating the Merci chocolate from RJ band. Bittersweet. Heavenly. Something to justify those chocolate craves and binges.

End of A Tempo. End of Saturday afternoon pracs that never ever start on time. Too short, our piece was too short for us to go through all that trouble practising, dressing. We should have played both Pirates and Chess. Well at least there were some people who said that we sounded good and it's always nice to play in Esplanade and, even though I forgot to take a photo of me playing my instru.. It's nice to see so many people and take photos with many people too =) will upload my photos one day when I don't feel sleepy after getting home.

Saw this guy in Macpherson Sec uniform yesterday. That school is really smart, the school name and telephone no. was printed on the edge of the shirt, the part where you're supposed to tuck in. So if you don't tuck in, people walking behind you will see ur school name and ur sch phone no. Luckily the shirt doesn't say call this no. if you see it. Wanted to take a photo but thought it's a bit rude.. hee

My concert (yes it's on)
Date: 18, 20 or 21 May (Wed, Fri or Sat, haven't decided)
Time: 6.30pm if on wed, fri, or afternoon if on sat
Venue: Yamaha Marine Parade, Yamaha Plaza Singapura or my house

Looking for guest artists.. If you wish to sing, dance, play piano, play electone, play anything else, juggle, twirl on your head, or anything you'd like to show off, please sms me. Don't tag. Everyone is welcome to share your talent, no audition needed, jialing =)

Wrote a long huge post and blogger crashed before i managed to post it. Sian.

Went Woodbridge yesterday. Got this stereotype in my mind that everyone I meet will not be normal. I walked past the canteen while trying to find the place I'm supposed to go and there was a guy outside the canteen in a wheelchair. He waved to me. That's the part where warning bells go off. But I, being a nice friendly girl, went over and see what he wanted. He wanted to know the time. Heehee, anyway, Woodbridge is full of people who sit down and hum/sing to themselves.

Had a 3.5h talk with the psychologist, shall call her psycho from now on, cos it's shorter to type, she's not psycho in any way. I was so irritated by the questions, probing all into my life. Who is PSC to know about my family, my history, my friends.. I wanted to walk out after half an hour but I stayed on, too chicken to walk out. The psycho kept asking me for examples of what I said. Well I don't remember every single event that happened in my life and when I do happen to remember something, I don't cluster them into categories like, situations where there's a problem, situations where I was stressed, situations when I was most uncomfortable. If I really had such uncomfortable experiences, don't you think I'll try to forget them?
You can't describe a person/ feeling with a few words, or maybe not even with words. I know I can't. When she asked me to describe someone with a single word, I couldn't. I must have painted her quite a negative picture of my daddy, which is so inaccurate. I didn't answer quite a number of questions.

She thinks I'm guarded. True. Her advice to me, very apt advice. 1. Talk to people when I have problems, don't keep to myself. 2. It's ok to drop out and come back half way through overseas study if I can't make it, emotionally, academically, cos an overseas education is not worth me having a nervous breakdown.

I didn't give her an easy job. She needs to give me a lot of prompting before I can come up with more one-liner answers. I'm sorry, but I can't give you elaborations if my mind is blank and I have no suitable examples to cite. She was real pro, scribbling on her pad without me ever able to see what she scribbled. (hmm, how did she do that?) She didn't use lahs lors, didn't give unnecessary smiles, wasn't overly interested but was paying attention even though she really wouldn't feel entertained by my boring life.

Got me darn tired and realised how sad my life is. I didnt' have a good 3.5h. Nor was I entertained by the singing patients around, but woodbridge is a beautiful place, reminds me of a country club, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Dave could tell I wasn't feeling very smurfy and kept telling me to take a rest. haha, he even asked me to go home earlier. So nice of him. So I left early and went PS to play STAGEA. Felt so good playing with it, and my chords finding skills are getting so much better. I could find all the chords to If We Hold On Together, even the bridge part. I'm so proud of myself. After a while, I went to look at some new piano pop song scores. There's a nice book which I like, but not worth the money to buy cos I only like 2 pieces in it. Shall see if I can kope from someone to photocopy. Cheapo me.

Raining.. cold..

Forgot to mention in last post, i saw Janice Tan on the way home, as chio as ever.. She asked me where people from my batch are going for uni, and I didn't know.. shows how distant i am from them

Maybe I am psychotic without me knowing it, maybe i'll find out soon.. Went for some scholarship activity assessment, saw Jeremy Kiu and Man Hon. What a small world, there were only 19 people and 3 are from 4D. And Man Hon drove there. Wow. Anyway, felt like I was in that kind of help group. We do something and the organiser will make us all sit in a circle and talk about how we felt about the activity. Makes me feel that there's sth wrong with us all.. Will go talk to the psychologist on fri at woodbridge, gosh, it's a 3h talk.

I am getting quite sick of this attachment, especially when it rains and i'm freezing, and when everyone i meet today ask me when i'm leaving, I feel like saying as soon as it stops raining.

Now that I've got offers and rejections, I'm still as confused as ever over where to go. And daddy has just decided that i shouldn't go overseas. Darn. My current life sucks. If i see a psychologist today, she'll definitely think i'm suffering from depression and tell all scholarship boards that i can't be a scholar..

Sth happy, maybe i'll see sunny and hon later and maybe other people i know coming here in this rainy miserable day for interview.. I sound like Marvin the robot fr the Hitchhiker's Guide.