had been trying the past term to not think so much and just do stuff and guess what, failed yesterday. Sorry, don't think you know what I'm talking about but that's the point. as a consequence of that hemming, I'll have to waste 2-3 more days worrying at least.
PSC psycho test today. The timed part was boring, but the personality part was quite fun. Realised that I gave an impression of this anti-social, self-centered, bad-tempered follower. Not PSC material at all. Anyway, had fun shading the bubbles, ranking those statements which I either want all or none of them. There was this question on whether I worry too much and I just thought of yesterday's incident.. Found out tha I'd rather be likeable, creative, intelligent than successful, guess it's not what people can see that's important.. OK, not making sense. Then I actually said that Shakespeare is a more important person than Darwin. Call me a bio student.
" Happiness is not found at the end of the road,
it is experienced along the way.
So take not for granted each moment of your life
and you will find a reason to be happy each day.
Don't worry so much about tomorrow
that you forget to live today. "
In a study for GP mood, physics lect was cut short by half an hour, then PE cancelled, so all the time in the world to study GP. But then it's so difficult, gave up half way and went slacking and disturbing the Chem R people.
Chem S was an exciting session with Mr Yeo using that "pass the attendence book" trick, the one holding on to the attendence book will have to comment on the question. He's super pro, knows so much, although still have to draw so many many question marks all over his transparencies..
GP common test. Wrote an essay on nothing, absolutely no content, no language, nothing. Sure fail. Wonder why I did that.. shouldn't have chosen that question. maybe that's what I wanted, to try a philosophical question. *sigh* guess I'm going to get a single digit percentile again.
Settled Vox accounts finally, a month after the concert. Actually I really didn't do much, Ms Tan did everything, I just stand around and smile. Alfie was there when I went to settle everything, and we had a great laugh at him. "It's her right, she's from the band right? See, now you have a $3000 deficit. Never sell enough tickets lah." "You didn't go right? That's why made a loss." "Aiyah, you saying that I worth $3000 only?? How can?? Must give her demerit points." Haha.
Studied for QA after that and realised how easy it is to study Chem after trying to study for GP. Everything is just so clear and understandable. Add this to that and you get a ppt. Add more and it dissolves, why? Cos it forms a soluble complex. So logical.
What a useless school day. Civics, CT wasn't here, Physics pract finished 1h early because we finished the tutorial so fast. Maths lect was wasting time going through lecture test, which I failed badly. Got slightly more than 1/4 of the marks. 1st failed Maths test in JC, haha, but not traumatising, guess I've expected it, and it's better than my relative velocity test in sec 4, where I only got 1/6 of the total marks. Then spent break trying to locate my physics TYS, and realised that some kind soul took it for me without knowing it. Maths tutorial, bleah, then QA test, probably the only useful thing I did in school.
Went to watch hockey match. Sorry that the girls lost to VJ, but I saw Mr Tang after that and said hi. He's really really thin, and balding. VJ life seems hard on him. Then it was the guys' match. It was so exciting. Their moves were so fluid, the stick is really like part of their body, they used it so well, a pleasure to watch them play. And of course they won AC. Yeah!!
Then, spontaneously or not, went to watch Shrek 2. Thought it would be a boring kiddo family movie, but turned out to be quite ok, very funny, but no touching ending. The ideas were good, the potions factory part especially and the Puss in Boots's look before kills and the donkey becoming a horse and having mutant donkey-dragons, but I really think that Fiona look so ugly, not because she's green or fat, but because of her features, I just dislike that button nose of hers. Found the movie very copy cat, got parts from all sorts of fairy tales and stories including LOTR, can't believe it. And the far far away place look like Main Street USA in Disneyland, with the shops and the brick street. And the castle looks like the hotel outside Disney. Dreamworks has been copying so much from Disney, they even had a little mermaid that had the exact same colour scheme as Ariel. And guess what, they're going to make a picture about some sharks in the sea, after Disney's Nemo. No wonder Disney's going out of business. Sorry, but I was pro-Disney.
An easy, relaxing day. Hope it'll be the same tomorrow.
realised that I really don't benefit much from individual lessons, more attention yes, but help me more, no. Had GP today with Christelle and Eric and it was so much more useful and productive than the last 2 sessions when i was alone and brain immobilised in alginate + calcium chloride. Actually this indiv thing has been a problem since long long time ago, spent quite some time in sec 3/4 thinking about it, thought it was solved, but no, I'm still real lousy at pushing myself, being involved in whatever we're doing. Anyway fun session today, trying to infer from him what questions are coming out for common test, don't think he knows actually, so all the hints that I got was that "Discuss the importance of books today." is going to come out. That helps a lot.. haha.
Called Siew Cheng, that girl from Yamaha exam dpt today, she's so cute. Still can't figure out how she can match every candidate's name to their face. Anyway, don't understand why they need us to bring in originals, they know that most people just borrow the books from teachers, so the Yamaha sales doesn't even go up. Just creating trouble for candidates. Even if I sincerely want to buy the book, there's no stock in Singapore. Order from Japan? That'll take 3 weeks or so to arrive. What copyright? Inconveniences everyone. Everybody knows that people photocopy scores, trade scores, pass them around. How to enforce copyright? OK, a bit off track here.
The impt point is, I found out that for June, only 2 people are taking Grade 4. Gosh, didn't know it's that rare. Wonder if they are going to dedicate a day just for the 2 of us, or they'll mix Grade 5s as well. If it's just 2 people, then good luck to me liao, cos the other person sure much much better than me..
Want holidays to come but don't want term to end. The kind of "why can't this lesson hurry up end", but then hating that time moves so fast, that there's no time to study in depth what I want to, that time just flashes by, that soon I'll be leaving this school system forever. In the end of term mood, everything not done properly, pushing everything to the hols. Going to be one busy mugging hols. Entertain me, people!
making myself sad.. feeling sad that everything's coming to an end. Actually it's only one thing ending, but feeling really sad for that. Been playing pieces learnt in the past 2 years, memories dug out from the back of the brain back to the front. Music has a great way of storing memories, and I like storing in it. From the 1st piece A Whole New World, to the last, which I don't even dare to play cos it has some weird stuff stored in it. Sad, it's all coming to an end. Was thinking on the way back just now, after June life will be so sad, study, study and study. Might have a bit more free time, but most prob it'll be used for studying and working on essays and research on unis. Really considering signing up for something, make life a bit more interesting, have something to look forward to.
anyway, Maths test today, confirmed fail. Quite shocked by myself, couldn't do anything, skipped everything, careless everywhere. Won't be surprised if i get a single digit. sorry, will pull the class msg down quite a bit, i think. Guess it's my attitude towards school nowadays, not taking any test seriously, touching and doing first revision day before test.. haiz
quite a bad day compared to yesterday's slight euphoria.
It feels great to reminisce, to soak in yesterday's fond memories, at the same time it's great to dream about what'll happen tomorrow. The only bad time is the present. Guess I'll live in dreams.
"The future is an opaque mirror. Anyone who tries to look into it sees nothing but the dim outlines of an old and worried face."
~Jim Bishop, New York Journal-American, March 14, 1959
"Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter."
~William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954)
"Live neither in the past nor in the future, but let each day's work absorb your entire energies, and satisfy your widest ambition."
~Sir William Osler (1849 - 1919), to his students
knew that I'll always meet a lot of people in Marine Parade.. last week I saw Kristin and Gerard, today I saw Clarence and Ji-en with Genevis and Ms Lee. Can't believe it, she actually remembered me. "you look familiar.. Shifeng." Wow, it's been around 6 yrs since she last called my name, she still remembered, and of course she remembered that Yvette was from RJ as well. Can't believe how thin she maintains herself while I'm a walking glob of fat. Gross. Anyway, went home in quite a good mood cos it was a great practice session, though i still can't get the piano to sound stylish, and feeling glad that she can still remember me.
Exam is in a 4 weeks time and I just found out today that I'm supposed to find one more repertoire, great, have to just grab something cheapo and play and hope they don't choose that piece. Still desperately searching for clues for chords.. 4 weeks enough? I don't know. GP, more urgent, 1 wk's time. Havn't even started doing anything yet. but seriously, I have no idea what I want to do. Well, will figure something out.
Read the class blog on the probability maths tutorial. Yeah, it was silent, but I think it's more because no one was paying attention to her, or rather bother responding to her. Really don't like the way she goes through every single question thoroughly and worry about the marks all the time. I don't think I'm there to learn how she wants to subtract all my marks away but rather how I can know my work better and apply them to different situations. Think she's wasting a lot of time. That's why half the time I don't listen to her but do my own stuff, but then she'll be staring at my stuff and asking me why I'm doing something else in her maths tutorial. That's my opinion of maths nowadays, others in the class might not agree..
I've been feeling happy for no reason this few days. Yesterday went to school in a really bad mood, dreading school, dreading chem test, gp essay, double lect, bio make up, and no time to study for bio test.. but somehow went through the day feeling quite happy. Today, didn't do much brain work at all but felt really tired. Strange me.
This is different.. anyway, having pathetically little time now, must study biotech..
Friday, went choir concert. Great concert, in my opinion, but I'm no expert. Was trying to get used to voices instead of winds and brasses coming from the stage throughout the first few songs.. Alumni sang some Carpenters medley, suddenly all the memories came flooding back, Rainy days and Mondays from last yr, and the rest from P5, P6, Sec 1 days, of course with that We've Only Just Began song which I accidentally entered as an exam song for Grade 6, I think, and then only passed by 2 points..
Saw that J3 girl (Kane's friend) whom I nv knew her name after the concert and we smiled at each other. Haha, so nice of her.
VCH, the last time I played for a concert there was 2 yrs ago, Rhythm XVI. Last time I stepped onstage was last April during SYF, last time I stepped backstage was last December, Rhythm XVII. Wish I was onstage instead of sitting in the audience..
Sat, MD elections, an amazing no. of "applicants", hard to choose, none of them as confident or have as much vision as Kah Chun, though some did have a lot of courage. Liked the van der roost piece, and the running notes in James Barnes piece sounded like Third Symphony.
Then went for lesson after a 3 wk break. Had a surprise mock exam which I failed. I'm actually quite surprised by the OK mark that he gave for impro, thought I screwed it quite badly when I couldn't even figure out the chords. Learnt quite a lot though.. but no mock exam for me at least in the next two weeks, too scary. Played Singin in the Rain well, for that P4 boy, haha, showing off to him, because it was after that mock thing and I was a lot more relaxed.
Sun, ORA day, went to open band rm in the morning, not bad, band room actually attracted a few people in. Sold food for class, then went YES to get new contacts. That woman was abusing my eyes, I was so scared that my eyeballs will fall off. Anyway she told me to stop wearing contacts for 2 wks, cos my eyes are discharging stuff and there are signs that my contacts don't fit me. Wow, discovered all these almost 2 yrs after I start wearing lenses? Think of the amount of damage done to my eyes! So, I'll be rather blind in the next few weeks with my specs, don't think I can see in Physics and Maths lects.
had a most entertaining gp lesson with baolou's presentation.. None of his points sounded convincing enough, he was just trying to get away from all the "bullets", so he was saying" next point, next slide" all the time. Laughed non-stop at his strange-sounding theories (a hypothesis is not true unless it can be proven wrong?) and, how can we forget, his thunder examples..
my 2.4 run. Was the fastest run ever, thanks a lot to Sunny and Christelle for accompanying and pushing me the whole way through, at the risk of being caught by Ms Poon. Didn't even know I could run 2.4 in such a short time. haha, but sadly, didn't jump far enough for standing broad jump, so I bet must retake again.. nvm, I'm happy today.
Chem S presentation was good. The mike was so powerful, I fell in love with it. It's so extremely sensitive, so fun. haha. Anyway, our answer, or rather, Christelle's answers were very good, not much mistakes. The mistakes all came from my answers and suggestions. And the second question was, um, so cheater-bug, looked almost exactly the same as Alfie's ans.. Haha
Liked HK's presentation, short, concise, with no frills.. But that's the way to fail GP and probably bio as well, as I've learnt from Beef. Was just thinking about how I like Xu Xu's learning attitude, how she's so proactive, hardworking, esp with english, then she came and told me today that she like my attitude, not studying, but my contented? heck-care? attitude.
amazing how teachers always know what's the problem with the student and how to tackle the problem, guess it's experience, but it just happened again.. the other time it was the "you can keep this set, we'll do a new set the next lesson", gave me the freedom to do whatever I wanted and needed to do at home without the fear that I've done too much and nothing to do during lessons.. today it was "there's nothing to be embarrassed about", hmm.. but I didn't really respond to that. My brain is just not developed in the english area, need tremendous effort to concentrate on what I'm doing, and the low reaction rate and low current in my nerves doesn't help either, was responding so slowly. Realised that I can't multi-task, when I write, I can't listen and so on.. very bad at taking notes
Does identifying weaknesses help? Supposedly after identifying, can find ways of overcoming them. Doesn't seem to work for me.. After identifying my weaknesses, I just accept them, accept and have that kind of "that's it, can't help it" attitude. Bad. Guess the only person who can help me now is myself, since I'm not even accepting other's help evidenced by that blank session today.. Sorry to those trying to help me. Don't give up though, I'll try to respond.