quite disgusted with myself during bio paper, especially during that essay.. just vomiting out whatever i remembered from the notes, almost word for word.. eew, quoting my bio teacher.. gross, shows how little of that knowledge is really mine

there's supposedly a blackout all over Singapore in weird scattered areas now. Bedok, Clementi... strange

Messages

beef: welcome! I always thought u knew this place.. nv knew how anyone can "stumble upon" someone's blog, haha, and my tagboard is working fine..

annie: HI!! long time no see/ hear/ talk. How's life?

xx: under your 怂恿, I borrowed 达。芬奇密码 and am reading it. Some really radically different viewpoints, find it hard to believe that it's all based on facts. Dan Brown must have done a whole lot of research..

jialing: how's the white organ?

everyone else: shoot me questions please on any subject, I need the pressure to think and revise.. going really slow in revision..

Amazing Thailand

some more interesting highlights
Day 1, Changi Airport
took the travellator this way and that way twice to look at this huge poster on Singapore Arts, cos Mr Lee was in the picture, and mummy was trying to figure out why he looked so short (cos it's Esplanade stage and there are different levels and he happened to be on the lower level)
Oh yeah, Bangkok airport, there was this advertisement on some Thai cosmetic hospital that's advertising sex change.. rather strange to see this kind of advert in an airport

Day 2, Ayutthaya
lousy train was 1h late but it was really cheap, biked around the town visiting temple after temple, reading map on the bike, tired and burnt but quite fun riding bike again.. haven't rode one since Pulau Ubin last yr.. I need to learn how to get onto the bike, taking forever to start moving. They have spectacular temples, truly 金碧辉煌. And they buy these gold foils which they rub onto the buddhas in the temples, so every buddha is covered untidily with gold foils that are falling off, gold but not too sightly

Day 3, Bangkok temples
another day of temples, getting bored.. Taxi drivers, the most scheming people in Bangkok, always cheat us, either drive the long long way, or try to divert us from our original plans, telling us that the place that we want to go is closed for some reason and asking us to go somewhere further where they can make more money. It's not just one driver, it's a whole lot of them.. Gosh, if we believed them, we won't get anywhere.. Bargaining is a must must, a 100Baht thing can be bought for as little as 20Baht..
The cabaret show, if you see them as girls dancing, they are not the best dancers around; if you see them as guys, it's disgusting.. Shows that if you have to be different, be totally different, completely weird, and you'll earn quite well. Grossed by myself admiring the prettiness of guys and wowing at their figures. Disgustingly freaky.

Day 4, go home
Thailand has great fruits, really sweet, best pineapples I've ever tasted, maybe cos usually I don't eat them cos they sting my tongue and throat. Hotel has great breakfast, best soya bean milk I've tasted in ages, made fresh from real soya beans. Great pancakes and french toasts, and great yoghurt where you can add your own fruits or cereal or whatever..
Went Thailand, cos it's with my family, didn't do much shopping. In fact didn't shop at all, no souvenir shopping, nothing. Those Singaporeans we met were so shocked by us, no shopping in such a cheap place with so many flea markets? That's my family. Anyway if you want souvenir, I do have preciously few, get it from me.

Why must everything come to an end?

Why do I take ends so hard? Been feeling so miserable, thinking about all sorts of things which will nv happen, like going uni and learning teaching.. or just somehow going pro, making it a career. Things which won't happen cos I'm not cut out for it(?) or maybe cos I won't allow it.. Don't know which one. Feel like seeing a counsellor, how am i supposed to put any efforts into anything if I take the ending of everything so hard? Only thing which cheered me up today was the email fr Lui Kiang. Maybe my correspondences with her will clear up my life a bit, maybe I'll find the courage and opportunity to do what I secretly want to do. Maybe I'm hoping too much. Hope I don't scare/ disgust her away. After all, I'm no longer that 14, 15 yr old who just smile and listen to her gossips with MG.

Watched Harry Potter finally. Very smooth show, a bit long, great music (that's 1 bk I'm going to order), somehow not as exciting as the previous ones.. Not much magic making or fighting with the dark forces, maybe because I and everyone else know that Sirius won't kill Harry, so the part where Lupin and Black were arguing on whether to kill "him" wasn't scary at all. Only scary bit was that Prof Trelawny suddenly warning Harry in this man's voice. The kids are better actors certainly, Draco morphing into a typical sch bully, just losing out to Harry and friends a bit too much. Not fun any more. Dumbledore seemed to have taken some youth potion since last yr, moving so agilely. Trelawny was more talkative and aunty than I imagined. Dementors were smaller than I thought they'll be. Overall, a good movie with a great plot and acting, just not enough action.

Went PS yesterday to get Andoh concert's tix. Played on STAGEA. It's taller than the older models, everything is taller including the bench. It felt more like a toy than an instru, a very expensive one. The number of choices of voices and patterns are immense, and registration menu is once again built-in. A good instru for on-the-spot improvisation if you're familiar with it. For composing/ arranging/ playing, well, more sound choices, but as per normal, to be exceptional, you can't use the preset voices, so still have to make user voices. Maybe the technology is better now. Too bad they didn't have the MDR added on, couldn't try XG features and stuff. Realised that I still can't see the style and play sth decent, all I could play yesterday were dumb stuff like descending bass melodies (eg. Spirited Away). Anyway, guess I won't get to know this instru well since I'm out of the world already.. haiz..

oh yeah, forgot to mention, I love this Outlook issue.

Grade 4

can't believe myself, cried because someone critisized me, and the consolation was 3 hrs late? gosh, felt like a 7-yr-old.. feeling childish seems like the norm nowadays.

Exam, jittery all morning, don't know for what, didn't feel like I was going for an exam, just really restless. Guess haven't had such an individual exam for ages, no more orals nowadays, and i haven't taken performance exams for 3 yrs.. that's a long time. Guess i knew Clementi too well now, felt like I was just going for another lesson but really nervous about it.

Examiners' comments: (this is for my own reference, u might be extremely bored by this, so might as well don't read)
Impro: knew the requirements but choice of chords very simple, I-V-V-I, 1st round a bit shaky in the 2nd, 3rd line, didn't know the chords? (nope, just forgot what to do).. could have added more colour and made it more interesting. Ending part was a bit messy (yup, almost ended in wrong key).. (well, at least they didn't say that it was Grade 5 standard)

Motif: A & A': simple chords again, could be more adventurous, use IIm
B: memorised pretty much everything (hmm, wasn't i supposed to do that?), quite a contrasting usage of chords, so much more substance (well, I modulated to C maj, of course got more room to develop right?)
A'': again simple chords
generally: there were some slips but managed to catch back on and didn't break down (wasn't even thinking abt the possibility of a breakdown, slips yup, breakdown never)
maybe I should have chosen a minor key instead and show them my "more interesting" progressions

Sight-Reading: the thing had 4 flats, luckily it's not 4 sharps A few slips here and there, but ok (I thought quite a lot of mistakes, all the flats and naturals confusing me, even went to play Gb, haha) Sound change a bit sudden, yes the last part is f but the starting was already mf, so if you really want to change sound, change confidently and beware of your sounds, control your vol carefully, it was a bit too loud. (ok, so shouldn't have changed, and yup it's the confidence thing again, knew it'll come up in one of the comments, at least it didn't show up in impro)

JOC: Shooting Stars, strange choice, cos the girl before me played that too. Anyway can't believe what rubbish i did.. stopped the whole thing, silence, then flip page. Aargh! That was suicide! Shouldn't have flipped at all. Guess that's why they stopped me before I finished playing.. the 1st part was fine, but then stopped halfway, don't know is it musically like that or waiting for us to stop you or what? it sounded very strange.

Classic: not an easy piece because of the way it's written. The title is "From Heaven, I Come", it's stately, grand, but must have its soft parts as well. Do you listen to Bach music? (no) Maybe you should listen. You played all the notes accurately but although there are no phrase markings or dynamic marks but must observe the phrases and make them more distinct and not just loud all the way, noise all the way. It's very hard to explain, you should really listen to Bach's music. You didn't really understand the piece. (so I was creating noise.. wonder if i failed that>

Free Choice: Nuovo Cinema Paradiso, I played 5 out of my 7 pieces yesterday at the demo, and they have to choose this piece which I didn't play yesterday, nvm, I love this piece all the same Again, this is not an easy piece to express, quite realistic soundings, (of course, articulation has always been my focus of practice). Can tell that you spent quite a bit of time on it. Must take note that the loud part must go soft too, if not it's a bit overwhelming. And I noticed that you haven't really learnt to use the touch-tone, (yup, I can't control it well, always become horrible swellings, so i don't usually use it, especially on a EL90 where the keys feel so different). This piece is so melodious, you can use the touch-tone more and depend less on your leg. That's why touch-tone was incorporated into electones, (yeah, but I only found that out a yr ago and just started using A.T.) Just an area to improve on, but don't overdo it, or it'll sound exaggerated.
Generally: Can tell that you practised your pieces.

OK fine, so what's the conclusion? That I prepared well, memorised chords and so on, but musically/ "musical theory-wise" I was just not good enough. Can't fill in nice chords and so on.. Well, that's quite accurate. The probs pointed out, for impro and motif, I nv noticed those probs, as in simple chords, nv knew they mattered, thought as long as filled in sth correct will do, apparently they want more than that. Sightreading, I was "drawing legs on the snake", got a mark deducted or so. JOC, I was asking for it lah, doing such stupid things. Classic, should have made him check me on that, or pressed to understand what's going on, or asked for another song. Too late now. Piece, think I spent too much effort trying to be submerged in the last part, a bit too loud, and think i shouldn't concentrate so much on my timing, not so much of a prob

Learnt a lot today but sure hope that it's not a fail. No chance to ever retake it and no point either. If I were to take lessons again, shall really really learn how to impro pro-ly like he does, learn some theory, and arranging/ composing, and perform. Ambitious eh? That's only if and only if i take again. Till then, life moves on, and it's mugging time

Sunday = Socialising-day

Woohoo, met so many people today whom I wanted to meet, never had I socialised so much in one day, never had I practised so long, never had I felt that I belong so much there, like it was my school, my studio.. kind of like everyone knows that it's my last day, and appear before me to say goodbye or sth like that..

Did showroom demo today, first 2 pieces sucked, cos I was so nervous, I was trembling, luckily it's not EL900, or else can hear me vibrato-ing. haha. It was partly that Esther's fault too, intro-ed me as some senior student, put pressure on me lah, see i played quite lousily, uninteresting and the piano ad lib part was so messy.

Then Jason played after me!! OMG, he's so good. (gosh, i sound like some 12 yr old girl going crazy over a guy) but he's really really good. It wasn't perfect, but he's a great performer, got showmanship, and I don't find him too action any more. And I get to hear one of my fave pieces, Cowboys! The one which I had been struggling to play, still struggling actually. At least I get to hear one festival participant this year. =)

Then it was my turn again, gosh, play after Jason, anything will sound bad right? But I think cos I used XG, so it was q ok, got all the fancy parts to distract everyone. MMM was generally fine, mummy liked it, and Jurassic Park was great. At least to me. Maybe cos it was my last piece and the time was good, there was a huge audience. And I could blast all I want cos the background noise was so loud. Really enjoyed it. And Esther must say sth like "you can get the idea from shifeng that you have to keep away from dinosaurs" Is that a compliment?? Generally every piece sounded fine, not like breaking down, though every piece got wrong chords or wrong pedals, cos can't remember or accidents or sth, hope it won't happen tmr. Oh yeah, they gave me this Jerri Jinglebird soft toy, so if anyone wants a yellow birdlike soft toy, just ask from me..

OK, let's come to the socialising part. Saw Ms Lee again, luckily she didn't come and ask me to tone down. Thought she looked q pissed with us blasting at her door. Must be cursing us. haha. Saw Esther, the emcee, sorry but I really have sth against her, so can't socialise with her. Saw Ms Goh.. rare opportunity. She don't look like Mickey Mouse any more, think she look more like Lion King. Haha. Had a short chat with her and my teacher of course. I've almost forgotten how scandalous they are. Sunday is slack-day cum scandal-day for them, I think, cos they just go visiting each other in class and gossiping. I bet there are some gossips abt me, hope they're good stuff. =)

Had an empty studio to myself for 2 hrs, practised, fooled around.. Felt jittery, nervous abt tmr.. Also sad, in 20 hrs time, I'll be waving goodbye to this world, and I'll enter mugging land.. Forgot to leave my remnants today.. haha. Will suffer withdrawal symptoms, undoubtedly, hope they won't be too bad.. Can't stand this kind of "peak of my career" and then "no more such career" ever. Hope I get invited back for Christmas or sth other gigs.

Then I met Yuting, yup, er long de Yu Ting. Had a talk with her too. see, socialising day, I've proved my title right?

currently in an elated state.. =D

been abandoning this place for some time, let me do a review of what happened since i last stepped here. found out the other day that YEF is next sat! And where will i be next sat? in Bangkok airport stoning. Can't believe I'm missing EF. And it's in VCH this year, not some hotel ballroom. Aargh! Don't understand why no one announced it, or why Clementi didn't even put up the poster. I didn't even know when are the heats, and still don't know actually.

Yesterday.. supposed to go to school to look up Chem S stuff with Jialing, but she didn't come, so spent the day with Christelle. So 巧，one of the few days where i go to sch and one of the few days when she's alone in sch. Haha, must be 缘份. Is this how u write the words? Don't know, haven't written Chinese for ages. Hasn't been writing Jap for a even longer time, spent so long examining the names of the Jap arrangers yesterday while trying to fill up my exam repertoire list, had to resort to checking a dictionary, cos I really can't tell how to write those words. Finally got everything for exam sorted out nicely.

Oh yeah, remember that cute girl fr Yamaha exam branch, she's so nice. I gave her so much troubles and she actually thanked me. Haha, for telling her my probs in advance.. so nice of her.

Today, went to sch in a normal mood, planned to reach at 10, but when I was at Buona Vista at 9.50, thought that I was seriously late cos there's no RJ band people at all throughout my entire walk to sch. Rushed to sch and realised that i'm still q early, since they started even later than they said they will. Oh, got a nice big bottle of sweets and chocs with a lesbian tag(wonder why?) fr my dear juniors, much nicer than what we gave our seniors last year. Yup, I'll miss the whole section going shiii feeeng every 10min.. Got more sian through invest, especially after they made us shuffle here and there to arrange us into 4 simple rows for 1/2 an hour. Then had to wait for some 大牌 people to finish shitting. Sian diao, cos of the rain also lah.. mood dampener. Anyway didn't achieve my aim today, always happens.. procrastinate, chicken, then bye bye chance. Nvm.. Left for lessons when the food came, the food looks q nice, too bad no chance to try it.

Mood got better. First, I was smart enough to switch on the power to my studio, gave me chance to practise one piece before lesson started. Heehee.. Then did some great sight-readings, impro chords were ok, maybe because I've done them before, but anyway I'll believe that I'm ready for exam. Then my teacher was so smart to know that I want some peace and time for practising, he actually went the other studio to teach for both his lessons, so I had the EL90 for 2 additional hours. Really thank him for that.. practised quite a lot today. =)

Sorry Jacinth, your photoframe glass broke..

this is a long post.. After lesson, I felt so much happier, cos of the productive session? Maybe, or maybe it's just the weather, of 雨后天晴, of the 风雨过后的美好天空. Anyway, finally finally got the DHSSB recording of Rhythm XVII! It looked so good, but stupidly they cut off the strings section from the photo. What's so special abt DHSSB? Besides the great orchestra sound and celesta and Mr Ng, it's the HUGE strings section, and they cut it off completely.. Can't wait to listen to it. So another thing to make me happy!

Then on the way home, received this sms fr my teacher. I thought that today was an ending day, end of band life, end of electone life.. Then the sms asked me to demo on sunday. haha, what a great way to end my electone career, with a demo. Think I'll screw it up though, 3 days to memorise 5 pieces, can I do it? Yup! (we must not be our own enemies!) But that means that I might not be able to go for that Sentosa thing any more, must mug my scores.

Hey, since when hon reads my blog??

OK long enough post, hope the day remains so good.. =D

been having weird dreams, many unrelated people appearing at strange places talking strange things.. Very sad that i had those dreams, cos some parts of the dreams are really good, really happy, sort-of like the things that I've wished for, but dreams will never come true, so don't think my wishes will come true too..

the Day After Tomorrow is purely an effects show. The plot is predictable, it's not funny, and the touching parts are not touching enough.. but the effects are really good. Don't know how real or scientific they are, but they sure look real. Love the view of clouds from the satellite, and the way everything just freezes in a split second, cool. Just wondering, what happens when the temperature rises again, when all the ice melts, where can they escape to then?

(no, but) + (yes, and) = (yes, but)
sound so mathematical, got coordinates, or maybe they are statistics, the binomial distribution.. anyway, i use "yes but" a lot. It's a good way to state my opinion without discrediting someone else's. Been reading SAT II writing, and trying to make my sentences relatively grammatically correct and clear. Can't really do it without all the subjects (I, you, he, she..).

Don't think I can survive in uni with my verbal skills, can't talk, can't write. Don't talk about discussion on complex issues, I can't even express myself properly, with my brain not functioning half the time. Now I know where all my time went to -- stoning! Will turn into a big piece of rock soon if i just sit and listen and receive or worse, listen and let everything bounce off me. Luckily I wasn't the only one there today, luckily she "took a break" and joined me, luckily the other girl came, if not it'll be even less productive. Guess they didn't know that they saved me. Since I can't talk, I will listen.

Stayed in sch library today. Didn't expect to see so many people. The library has been robbed of all the useful books, there wasn't even a SAT II Maths book available, and no good biotech books, so didn't do much again. Anyway so nice to have someone to stay with me even after the library closed. =)

Went check eyes again. If all optometricians were responsible, there'll be less people with eye diseases. I was never told to not wear contacts for more than 8 hrs a day, never told how to count the one month, never told how damaging soft lens can be.. great, now no more lenses for the next 3 months at least.. Can't they teach properly? Or must we really go to the expensive shops to get a responsible professional to tell us everything we should know?

Police officers at interchanges and MRT stations.. don't think it's going to prevent terrorism. How easy it is to escape their glances, all they can do is to be there to assist in case a bomb went off. Don't think they can deter, cos most prob they'll be checking innocents' bags and other innocents will just not carry big black bags around.
Let X represent the no. of bomb carriers in a year. X~ Po(2). Probability that there'll be 1 bomb carrier a year = 0.3
Probability that the police will spot this guy assuming that he looks normal and police check 10 people a day out of 5000 = 0.0006
That's how you practise what you learn in stats. All the best to the police.