The End -- finally

It's all over!! Yay, for 3 more days at least.

Went sch yesterday and saw Ryan. That smart guy's going Cambridge today, so cool, wish I'm as smart as him.

Chem dept is as efficient as ever. They invigilated today's paper without any help from other teachers at all, all the invigilators were Chem teachers. And they'll finish marking by next tues and return us the papers. Fantastic dept.

Went to sch wanting to go out after Chem, was hoping to tag along with some people going out, then found Christelle! went Orchard, but all the Orchard people were so lazy, it was 12+ and so many shops were still closed. So didn't really do much.. but who cares, today's a day to slack

Hey, my photo's on Outlook again! Wonder why, maybe it's easier to take a photo of a standing person or it's easier to layout or something, can't think of any other reason why they always put a strings player at the band write-up.. Wonder if the outlook teacher in charge had anything to do with the choice of photos...

Talked to this guy on the MRT, ok, he talked to me and I replied. He's a currency broker or something like that, works with the exchange rates and helps others earn money, can't really understand the details, too many econs terms. Guess he saw that I was lost, anyway, he has a daughter who's in Crescent Girls and is in the choir. And he lives in Ghim Moh. Haha. What was I doing talking to him I don't know, think he's quite bored.

Dreams

Dream jobs:

1. Work in airport restricted area, like in one of the duty-frees shops. Then I'll be travelling out and in of Singapore every day.
2. Sound technician. The guy who makes recordings, mixes them, make sure everything sounds right. Or those people in VCH who adjusts the volumes of mikes and things like that and get to watch free concerts.
3. Tour guide. hmm, totally not my personality i think, but quite fun, visit places of attractions
4. Work somewhere to test the purity/ safety/ concentration or whatever of drugs, health products/ food.
5. Teach/perform electone? this one maybe I don't really want it that much, wrong personality again

Kind of make me wonder why am I studying so much. Haha, anyway 1, 3, 5 are short term dreams, as in things that i can do only when i'm young. Grow too old and no one will hire me any more.

Dreaming again.. things to do at least once in my lifetime

1. Watch an aurora, as in see one in real life, not those in tv, but that means I have to go to the north pole. cold. brrrr..

list is growing, it won't stay at 1 for long.

Star of light, star so bright
The first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I made tonight

~ Pinocchio

refractory period = 3 days, next time factor for deciding will not be so much of the preparing time, or actual day time, but the aftermath of it..

find out how many calories and fats you are taking in
http://www.mcd.com.sg/OurFood/OurFood_Nutrition_Analysis.cfm?FoodCategory_ID=N
Oh I found out how what a calorie is, it's the amount of energy to raise the temperature of 1g of water by 1 degrees.

Yay! Prelims are over, pretty much, left 2 papers which don't really matter to me. Went to play badminton with my class instead of going Sentosa. Haha, very AS of me considering band people asked me first. Hee hee, but I'm glad I went badminton instead. 1stly, went Clementi to play instead of Ulu Pandan, so exciting! haha and xh wanted to visit Jacinth, oh Jac, can't believe you went for a batch outing, didn't know it was ur 1st, if not maybe I'll have been there to witness the historical moment. =) 2ndly, on the ride back home, we were so bored and mad as to count the no. of beeps the MRT makes before closing the door and tried to determine what note it's beeping at. Really fun but people around us must think we're some super stressed up RJ kids, beeping all the way and playing single notes on handphones. 3rdly, had a sort-of badminton coaching session cos I was too lousy. haha.

40% of Singaporean students think life is stressful compared to the average of 31% of white and blue-collar workers according to some survey by a healthcare company.

why can't i have fun? Every time after I truly enjoy myself, I'll end up in some deep dark depression state.. Some sort of inertia thing, the hyper state has too much energy, when i drop from that state back to the normal state, change of momentum is too big, end up hyperpolarising.. wish i could draw the graph here. so, have to keep myself busy to distract myself from myself. think it's a kind of psychological disorder. I hate it. Do I survive on dreams? QQ asked me once, I hope not. Think when I'm in this sort of bottom of the valley state not even dreams can pull me out... Need something to excite me, let me look forward to something.. don't know what will happen after prelims, after As when there's suddenly nothing to do, and don't know waht will happen if I really go overseas to study and leave behind everything that's keeping me alive..

Mummy just asked what I want for my birthday, which is still one month away.. sorry to disappoint her, but I don't think she can give me what I want. I need something spiritual, not really anything material. If it's sth material, there must be some meaning to it. I need something that can constantly give me EPSPs, sound like drugs, oh no. Let me phrase it properly, I need something that can give me EPSPs for a long time and no IPSPs. money cant buy happiness but $200 will probably keep me really happy for 4h a mth. I really need a cheaper hobby..

Credits

Thanks to everybody today, though they probably will never see this..
Thanks to jialing, supporting me and keeping me company
Thanks to Shane and his classmates and my teach, so hyper and so fun

Kind of made me wish I had such a class, so fun, they are really friends, not like my organ ex-classes, just acquaintences who are friends once a week.. sigh

"Can you keep a secret?" is playing in my head now, can't get it out. Had a fun time playing today, mostly because the people are so fun, and my teacher actually sent a girl to walk in front of me to tell me to play louder, so funny, she just walked one around shouting play louder play louder. haha
Was really enjoyable if not for my trembling, couldn't stop my leg from shaking, had to take really long pretending to get ready for a song to try to stop it from shaking, then decided that it can't be helped, so forget it, just whack.

I know I should be studying, but really not in the mood. Have a really lousy attitude this year, everything so heck care, don't care if do lousily for tests, now prelims also taking so lightly.. Not that I want to but I can't make myself sit down and study all the time. Can't make myself do 5 Chem paper 1s and 2 Chem paper 2s and other Maths and Physics papers. I can't do that. And there's loads of other things to do too that I'm not doing, like writing my essays.. Sometimes I really hate being a J2.

Believe it or not, I just agreed to play this weekend.
It's at Marine Parade MacDonald's, the one opposite Parkway, 2-4pm this Sunday
If you are sick of studying or crush me or looking for an excuse to get out of the house, can come and watch and listen to us playing music. I won't play in public again till after A-levels.

I'm sick of this mugger life, to think we have to do this all over again in Nov. urgh.

someone wrote this on the lift door:
"Curse be upon the one who urinates in the lift"
sound so chim, such a complex sentence structure, must really applaud the vandal for standing up against the urinator (who is a vandal too)

studying these few days, found out some interesting stuff:
GATTACA is a DNA code
I was looking through the GP arts notes, and realise that Vivaldi, Haydn, Liszt and Schoenberg are all in his list of famous composers of that age..

dug out my Sec 3/4 journal, the one that we were supposed to write every week and hand in. Just realised that I was dealing with complicated issues like education and terrorism when I was in Sec 4, I even wrote one entry on media or something like that. But I sounded so.. naive. Think that's how Goh Ai lan knew each of us so well, know all the scandals and stuff like that, by reading our journals. And yup, she's super sadistic. I was writing about how freaked out I was during the blood test for Hep B and she wrote that I'll get used to the needles if I need to go for the immunization.
Here's one more interesting para:
"We help trees. During forest fires, we are the ones that spray billions of galleons of water at them, putting off the fire. We are the ones who make artificial rain to enable them to survive. When there's a widespread diseases, we are the ones who study the disease and stop it from spreading insidiously. We increase their biodiversity by mixing genes in the lab. We prevent many species from being extinct by breeding them artificially. We give them better genetic traits so that they can survive better. Can you say that we are not trees' benefactor?"

Watched the 金曲奖, the Energy dance was real cool. 王菲 sang 天空! That's one of my fave songs. It's the first Faye Wong song that I liked.. That was when I was in P5 I think. and Sarah said that I liked all the songs that had something to do with the sky. Haha, I really did. and yeah, Sarah is that girl in joseph's class, hmm, that's jac's class too.

Mini concert at Yamaha today. Some people played some really nice pieces. Someone played Mononoke and Animation medley, I didn't even know Animation medley score exists, will go hunt for it. Then my teach's students played the usual nice pieces, like Voyager and Comical Train and Part of Your World.. realised that I know pieces like Voyager so well that I could probably play without the score too only prob is that my playing suck quite badly now. No one has played my Disney pieces yet, can play those nxt time. Played my pieces, wasn't as fantastic as they should be but hey, I got a cheer from someone. Thanks Shane, don't know whether you really meant it or just trying to boost my morale, but thanks anyway. =) Think I'm too loud and hit too hard.. my playing has changed so much, I used to be this timid little girl who plays her loudest at mf, now I stay at f more than at mp. Haha. Anyway I think I sounded nervous though I wasn't, and screwed quite a lot of the semis, the worst mistake was that somehow I forgot the last chord of my last piece, so ended the piece with some made-up chord. Bad way to end..

Well, think that these performances are really to train my improvising on the spot, when forget some chords, must quickly think of something to fill the gap and bluff everybody. hee hee. Next time will play something not so familiar then can make mistakes everywhere and no one will know. =) Was being super AP, studying Organic Chem when others are playing, then realise that it's quite bad and decided to stop after I finished the chapter. haha. Wasn't playing at a good time, it was a really ulu time when there was no one around. I was really hoping to play at a time when ms lee finishes her class and comes out to complain that we are too loud, really curious about what she'll do if she sees me banging away, maybe turn my vol down or switch the whole thing off. Bet she's cursing us inside the studio, poor girls, have to endure her lousy mood.

Went macs to study, overheard these few screaming kids saying that the fireman's no. has changed from 995 to 998, really?? There was a group of deaf people beside me and they were having a conversation with sign language, cool, but it's really hard to get each other's attention. Funny how the whole group can't talk but their kids can scream and shout.

Met Qiuyu on the way home, haven't seen her for a long long time. Heard that Parkway's sale is really crazy. So weird, triple science in VJ is like the best fac, the top always comes fr that fac and other facs are always lousier. Don't think there's this one fac always better than another thing in RJ.

If you have nothing to do this sunday afternoon or just want to take a break from studying, can come and watch my electone performance in yamaha marine parade, will be playing for about 15 min..

I am an extremely selfish person. I can't believe how selfish I am. If you pon school for no good reason and you try borrowing notes from me, most probably I won't lend you the entire set of notes. So bad right? So sorry qq, that physics design that I lent you had no details at all cos it's just the skeleton of it. Hmm, wonder if she knows I'm writing this, cos she just called me. freaky

Was getting all jittery before GP today, don't understand why, was so freaked that xuxu had to hug me to calm my nerves..

Went home with a lot of Easties today, haven't went home with so many east people for ages, since last yr or so, it's always only me and beef or me and eric or me and chris.. anyway, never realise that baoluo is so extremely funny, he is the joke, especially with andy around. haha. And yeah, I saw Gabriel on the MRT, as in Gabriel, the bass trombone guy fr DHS, xx's friend.. and he actually said hi to me, so friendly, should have went over to talk, but felt a bit weird and I was with the whole bunch of easties. I wouldn't say hi to someone unless I can confirm that he/she'll recognise me, so I didn't say hi to Anqi the other day when I saw her on the MRT. that's how AS I am.