6am, Christine msged me: "eh... ho bee died... check newspaper". Thought she was joking.. I mean, people don't just die like that...
reached school, found that it was real. Mr Hodge gave a great speech, made me and half of my class cry.. It's just too sudden..
Bio prac, before cutting kidneys, we talked a bit abt how to get past this stage of sadness... ms lee wasn't too successful in that, i think.. anyway, it still seemed so unreal, so fake, like it was just a scam...

After school, went conference rm to write condolescences.. Someone, Bena, I think, passed this class photo that we took with him.. made me want to cry again.. So strange, someone whom was well and happy last week could just leave us like that. Saw this great photo of him framed up in the conference room. He had this wonderful expression, a sort of amused, happy, confident smile.. looking great in his jersey..

Went to the wake. The truth really really hit me only when I saw him, dressed up smartly in suit and tie, lying in that small roomless box, looking plasticy, waxy, really pale, with a wound on the head... Felt nauseus, not because of seeing a dead body, but because it's him.. someone I knew, looking, if I can say, larger than life. That was 4pm. What I noted down then, "I felt worse than I have been in ages.. Seeing him really hit me... There goes 1 strong life.. Just a blow on the head and he's in that box. Life is so fragile."

I was thinking about his family, about how bad they must have felt. When someone so close to them left so unexpectantly. Wanted to cry again. Was thinking of the millions of people who leave the world every day. How many more millions more of family members, friends will be mourning, feeling sad, devastated, hopeless every day. What about when there's a natural disaster? Like the earthquake yesterday? Or war? Like the Iraq war? How many people will be hit so badly physically or emotionally?
Moral of the story.. we must move on.. We can't stay here forever. I made a promise to myself, I'm going to sort out everything today and live life normally again tomorrow.

Was recalling all the moments with him. Oh btw, for those who don't know, Mr Ho is my Maths teacher. Can't bear to use past tense.

1. His always smiling face
2. his soft babyish hair
3. shuai ge!
4. his bluish greenish shirt
5. his beautiful handwriting
6. left hander
7. sporty tracker
8. big beautiful eyes
9. Ho Bee
10. nice soft way of teaching, but achieving great results, of producing top class in the level
11. his marvellous science class (so3f) and arts class (a03b)
12. the way we bullied him, always forgot to bring tys, always late for his lessons
13. the way he runs his tutorials, going through only those difficult questions
14. his quizzes, which no one can solve
15. gambling lesson(s)
16. i've always loved him, think he's one of the best tutors around...
17. the way he came into class last year with chalk all over him, created by the arts class
18. the strong, friendly, always positive guy

I was so looking forward to seeing him today during maths s. The first time i'll be seeing him in lecture, but... well, i guess there won't be such a case. At least he left while doing something he really enjoyed doing.

Mr Ho, thank you for being such a great teacher, such a great role model for me. I thank you with all my heart. Also sorry for all those times when I disappointed you. I'll always remember you. RIP..

Thank you to all other teachers today too. Thank you all for being so understanding, of knowing when to come and when not, of when we needed space and when we needed company. Thank you.